Just me…

… well, I can’t believe I still understand how WordPress works! It’s been a LONG time my friends. WAY too long. Please don’t mind the awkward photos. I’ve literally just wanted to sit and do this, before life takes a hold of me again! So nothing professional. Just simple.

Here’s a wee little post just about me. Cause that’s what I need right now.

I’ve had a tough couple of years now. Still not out of the woods. However, this will be a positive post!!

Running! Today. Me. Yes indeed. 20min. A super slow jogg’, as I am a total novice. A ver unprofessional kind a runner. But, I did it.

What you need for this kind a run? Some good old, run down, trainers.

Some tight ass lycra. (Only cause I’ve gotten to fat to fit them properly!)IMG_7235

A gorgeous dog – helps keep your mind off the actual running bit.IMG_7238

IMG_7236 The lead of course and a drink.

And of course stunning woods!

I did it my friends. 20 min., up and down some hills in wooded area. The trick of course will be to keep doing it. I am determined. I hope. I am. Maybe. Yes. I’ll do it!

Bye for now.

Advertisements

#HappinessIs

Having a full blown bath in over a year!!!!! I used to have one of these at least once a week, especially in the winter.  But since we’ve moved I’ve just not had one. It was bliss. A bit short lived, but bliss none the less!

#HappinessIs

Image

Photo of the week

Just to show you all what a beautiful winter we’ve had! The last few weeks it’s not gotten above 0C. Slowly it’s warming up again, which is nice. But I will miss the snow! So will our dog Mylo! Photo of the week #nofilter

#Friendship

So this post goes out to my friend Kathryn P in the UK. She is one of the most creative person I know. Not too long ago she started working with porcelain. She ended up buying her own kiln and setting up her own studio in her back garden. Love her work.

Check her out on Facebook @KathrynParsons.uk  and then you’ll understand why I chose this photo ☺️

It’s a new life…

…so this is one of my most honest posts. Although I hastened to add that all my blogs are honest. This one is quite personal though and quite raw. Nothing dressed up here. But I feel that I need to put this ‘out there’.

I’ve wanted to write for a while, but I’ve just not had the guts or energy too. Or I simply haven’t had anything to say really.

Now that the year is ending, and I’m desperate for a new and especially different year, my thoughts are focused on what the year has been like. So here goes.

I’ve hated this year more then I have loved it. And that’s a very sad, but honest thing I’m having to admit to myself.

I’ve hated how I’ve lost my own home.

I’ve hated how this move has not made my husband as happy as he thought it would.

I’ve hated how we’ve not moved forward financially in anyway.

I’ve hated how I’ve been so angry this whole year.

I’ve hated how I’ve treated my sons in this process.

I’ve hated how I’ve fought so much in my marriage.

I’ve hated that we lost the sense of adventure. And I’ve hated the loss of progress and ambition.

I’ve hated the loss of stability in the future.

I’ve hated not having found friends, or not having had the energy to put myself out there.

I’ve hated how I’ve treated people this year.

I’ve hated the lack of creativity and that I’ve not insisted on ‘me’ time.

I’ve hated the lack of routine (and trust me, I’m really not a routine person)

I’ve hated the burden of not knowing what will happen.

I’ve hated feeling like a victim.

I’ve hated how I have fought so much this year.

I’ve hated my self-pity.

I’ve hated that I’ve not smiled or laughed a lot.

I’ve hated how alone I’ve felt this year.

I’ve hated how I’ve screamed at my children.

And I’ve hated how much I’ve coursed.

I’ve hated the frustration that I’ve felt.

I’ve hated that I’ve lost my trust, faith and hope.

I’ve hated how despair has made itself at home in my heart. And I’ve hated how I’ve felt helpless at trying to change that.

So basically yeah, I’ve hated most of this year. Which is super sad. Hate is a strong word. But my feelings have been just that, all of them, so intense and kind a all at the same time.

What have I loved this year?! Honest. Not much springs to mind and that makes me so sad. Really. Sad.

I have absolutely loved my eldest son starting kindergarten. He just loves it! And he’s adorable when he talks about it. He also loves sports. And it’s a delight to watch him at his group.

I’ve also loved watching my younger son grow and become so witty and loving. A miracle really, considering this year. And I’ve loved going on a couple of dates with my hubby and having had some family time earlier this year.

I have loved being close to extended family. Although I’ve not been my best, which again is quite sad. And I have loved waking up to the view of the beautiful alps every morning!

I know I’ve written ‘hated’ – so past – although I admit, I still very much still feel it all now. But I’d like it to be the past. “I’ve hated… and now I LOVE …” – That would be nice.

So next year?! Really, next year needs to be different for me. And us. Or else I feel I won’t survive it much. I need love next year. Even when it’s tough. To be able to dish out tough love and receive tough love. I need next year to be different practically, spiritually and emotionally. That might be a tall order and I agree that for most of it, I actually need to change. Or I  need to facilitate change in my environment. Either way. It’ll be hard work. And I’m not talking about the end of next year either.

I need to have some sort of change right from the start.

I’m also turning 40 (!) and I hear it can be a turning point in peoples lives. I’d really like that. For the better of course!

It’s a new life…

…well, it’s been two months. I thought I might up date you lovely people that read by blog.

I have just gotten over the move. It was somewhat dramatic, I shan’t rehash the details, it’ll only make me cry again. Or maybe not. Either way – you don’t need to know. Trust me!

So, living back with the parents, in the house I basically grew up in.  Back in the old neighbourhood, ‘old’ surroundings, back with the immediate and extended family nearby. Back to the old ‘stomping ground’ as they say.

How does that all feel?! Yeah,… I’m still getting used to it. Real hard not to fall into old habits or revert back to the ‘younger’ me. Amazing how even though I’ve been away for so long, I can just slip right back into old ways. And it takes getting used to being around all the family. It is lovely! I just love that our boys are growing up with all the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins near by. I didn’t have that when I was growing up.  So I was keen for my kids to have that fellowship really.

I’m still getting my head around a lot of stuff I have to say. Hence it’s taken me a while to get back into writing. The inspiration hasn’t quite been the same here. I shall have to go find it again, as I do miss writing.

So watch this space! I’ll be back shortly.